Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Scratch the previous entry: I am existing in hell

When I said living I was exagerating, existing would be more accurate and as for the compensation well that has gone. Its official I am in hell. A hell that consists of a day of disorganised chaos, just when I believe I've got the size of what I am dealing with another layer of chaos appears to disrupt that view. It's like peeling an infinitely big onion from within. Each layer I peel back reveals a bigger layer. The nights generally consist of spending time with people that are starting to make me believe I am a misanthropist as I dislike them so much. I am too far from home during the week, when I return home at the weekend the life force is sapped from me to such a great degree that it barely recovers before I am forced to return. Imagine an infinite recurring bungee jump without the adrenaline rush but with all the fear that is my reward at present.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Living In Hell With Compensations

So the last two weeks have been a living hell, not exactly fun but there is one compensation. I think I have found someone that I connect with.

At the moment it is subtle, a smile (beautiful), a knowing look and a strange feeling inside. Plus points, very cute, red hair (a weakness) apparently not married and fairly independent. Minus point, about to move out of the same building to a place ten miles away, yet to get past hello / goodnight. So what to do ?